Today is National Underwear Day, so I’ll be Brief.
I am Tighty Whities, the OG of undergarments. Today I am hosting my annual Beef in your Briefs BBQ Bash!
No doubt it will be Undie-niably delicious. Make sure to grab a Weiner Basket and some French Cut fries.
Beatrix will likely come with some fancy new martinis for us to try – she’s such a Hipster.
For dessert, Grannie Panties is bringing her homemade apple pie. Hopefully, her Cheeky little grandson doesn’t knock it over like last year.
Then get ready to have some sillies in your Frillies. Jock Strap is always looking for someone to toss the ball around with. He’s got a bit of a hard shell, but once you get past that, he’s pretty open. There are plenty of other games, or you can just chill with Bikini and Trunks in the pool.
For the kiddies, I’ve hired an entertainer to make Pantaloon animals.
It’s an all-day event so we’ve set up some Nut Huts to keep everyone shaded from the sun and have some Banana Hammocks to relax in after eating.
This evening I’ll play a little guitar by the fire. I had some trouble with my G-String, but I’ll have it tuned before tonight.
• • •
My favourite part is getting all the updates from my friends on how they’re doing.
High Rise and Low Rise finally started their construction business (and rumor has it they have a little Mid Rise on the way!)
Knickers has been seeing a masseuse to get all his knots worked out.
Garters is having a bit of an existential crisis at the moment. She was born as Lingerie but identifies as a belt.
Speedy Sid will be late to the party and the first to leave. I honestly don’t know why he comes at all. Last year he peeled out so fast he left skid marks.
• • •
A couple of years ago during Covid we got busted for having our panties in a bunch, and the group has thinned out since then.
Thong doesn’t have time for us anymore, ever since she started moonlighting as an eye patch.
Ali is in France, competing at the Olympics with all the other Boxers.
Skivvies got the Scurvies so he’s no longer with us.
Long Johns moved to Canada because he can’t take the heat.
I hope Commando can make it this year. I never see him anymore.